The clichéd poem of clichés Or This Women’s Day, a guide to women etiquette

do not say:

you’ve put on weight.

you’ve lost weight.

you look lovely.

you look tired.

you’re not colouring your hair!

oh look at all that grey!

don’t tell me- you’re one of those feminist types?

do not say:

you’ve filled out in all the right places.

do not ask:

so, when are you getting married?

so when you having kids?

a Ph.D is more important than children?

Surely you can do both?

are you doing nothing with your doctorate?

this is what you did engineering for?

Handy tips to speak to issue-less women

do not say:

you are selfish.

own it.

well, you never wanted children anyway.

wow, you must have so much free time.

being a mother is the true meaning of being a woman.

kids aren’t the be-all of life, so just chill!

you’ll regret it.

do not ask:

why did you get married then?

any good news?

have you seen a doctor?

is it you?

what’s his sperm count like?

are you doing it right?

would you like a doctor recommendation?

you’re not really a woman unless you’ve given birth to kids, you know that, right?

who will look after you when you’re older?

do not say:

It’s this whole modern woman idea, new-fangled notions to start a family late, that’s ruining our country. Too busy with career and studies, to do what you’re meant to do. If your mother had thought that, you wouldn’t even have been here.

maybe you’ll have children when we are dead.

i hope this year at least you’ll make it a truly happy new year for us.

how old are you?

do not say:

you don’t want any responsibilities, that’s why.

we’ll all help you when the baby arrives. just have it.

only a son’s child is a true heir, not a daughter’s.

do not ask:

who will you leave all your books to?

(Based on true events.)